When Juliet Met Billy Zane
by Papergirl
Summary: Juliet didn’t expect to see Shawn when she opened her door, and she certainly didn’t know how to tell him that Billy Zane wasn’t a man. Shulesy fluff written for the 2008 Shules ficathon!


Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It's actually pretty sad.

I guess this could be considered a post-ep piece for Gus's Dad May Have Killed an Old Guy. Also, minor spoilers from Rob-a-Bye Baby, Nine Lives, and Dis-Lodged.

The prompt was "small." After several false starts, this is what eventually came out. I hope it's Shulesy enough. :-)

* * *

Her doorbell rang, followed immediately by a percussion of knocks on the door, and then the doorbell once more.

Juliet sighed.

The doorbell-knocking-doorbell pattern continued.

"I'm coming!" she snapped. Some people were just too impatient.

Her frustration doubled when she peered through the peephole right into Shawn's eyes.

Against her better judgment, she swung open the door.

"Hi, Jules!" he greeted, nonchalantly holding a large cardboard box in front of him. He looked her up and down and smiled. "I like the pajamas, even though technically polar bears and penguins live on opposite poles. And for the record I don't think polar bears can ride snowmobiles."

Juliet wrapped her arms around herself, having forgotten she was donning the new fuzzy pajamas from her mother. "Shawn, what are you doing here?"

Shawn proffered the huge box. "I brought you a small present. Can I come in?"

Juliet hesitated. It was late, and the place was a mess. She hadn't had time to clean properly since her family had left.

But there was something about the look on his face, and she already had developed a curiosity about the large box.

"But you already got me a present, remember? You gave it to me at the station." Even as she was talking she was letting him in.

"That was only the first part," he explained. "I knew Gus was going to try to attach his name to it, so I thought I better kept part two a secret."

Shawn hurried past her and carefully set the box down next to her couch. He crouched down, lifted the lid, examined the contents, and once he was satisfied he closed the cover again.

He was practically bouncing on his heels. "Are you going to open it or what?"

He tilted his head toward the box, a goofy grin on his face. Shawn's smile was contagious – Shawn's smile was always contagious – and Juliet found herself settling into the couch in front of the box. She rubbed her hands excitedly. Shawn plopped down next to her.

"Wait, does this mean I have to get you another present, too?" she asked suddenly, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

Shawn shook his head, still grinning. "Of course not, Jules. The 80s Edition of Trivial Pursuit was wicked awesome! Look, just consider this the belated other half of your gift. I mean, did you honestly think I'd just give you a cat toy and peace of mind? I bought thirty snow globes for Lassiter!"

Juliet contemplated that for a moment. The peace of mind had been greatly appreciated, but overall pretty inexpensive. Not that she believed that people's affections were contingent on material objects, but he could have spent more than 1.99 when she dropped forty bucks on his gift.

She leaned forward and gingerly lifted the lid of the box.

The sight that greeted her instantly melted her heart.

A tiny black and white kitten was curled into a ball on a blanket in the corner, sound asleep amid a collection of cat toys, food, and accessories.

Her wide eyes looked up at Shawn. "Oh, Shawn, you didn't have to..." her voice trailed off as she peered at the new cat in her life.

"Do you want to hold him?" Shawn asked, reaching into the box and gently picking up the small ball of fur. "I've already housebroken him, so you don't have to worry about him ruining your pajamas."

Juliet made a face at Shawn and accepted the dozing kitten who fit neatly in her palm.

Although she was instantly smitten with the kitten, an idea popped into her mind. "What would you have done if I didn't want him?" she wondered, softly running a few fingers down the cat's back.

Shawn gestured to the kitten. "How could you not want him? I almost didn't want to give him up, but my apartment's pet-free and I could only fool the landlord for so long. I had to cover for this little guy a couple times and now I think they think I have an incontinence problem."

Juliet laughed.

"Well, I'm flattered, Shawn. This is the sweetest gift I've ever gotten."

They smiled at each other for a few moments until it became too awkward. Juliet turned her eyes back to the mewing kitten.

"Does he have a name?"

Shawn grasped his hands together. "I tried not to, but I couldn't resist."

Juliet took a breath, trying to imagine what insane name he had concocted for the poor little boy cat. "Okay. I give up. What's the name?"

Shawn beamed proudly. "Billy Zane."

Juliet snorted. "I just do not get your fascination with that man."

"Jules, are you kidding? Back to the Future? Titanic? Pocahontas II? Come on!"

Juliet relented. "Fine, Billy Zane it is. Though wouldn't that be more appropriate if we shaved him?"

Shawn scrunched up his face. "Good one," he said in a tone that neither conveyed mockery nor sincerity. "Hey, do you have any egg nog left? I have a hankering for some nog."

"Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I should have offered you a drink or something. I think there's some left in the fridge."

Shawn stood up. "Want a glass?"

"Sure," she decided.

Shawn walked to the kitchen. "Oh, it's non-alcoholic, so you don't have to worry about driving," she called after him.

He popped his head out of the kitchen and stared at her. "Do you think I took Billy and his huge box on my motorcycle?" He shook his head as if Juliet should know better.

"You walked all the way here?"

"Of course," Shawn ducked back into the kitchen to avoid the rest of the conversation.

Juliet looked around for her other cat, but she was nowhere to be found. Probably hiding in the hamper again, she concluded. She lifted the kitten up so she could shift her own weight further back in the couch. Her eyes widened at what she saw between the kitten's little hind legs. Or, rather, what she didn't see.

Yes, upon closer inspection, Billy Zane was a girl.

Juliet didn't know how she was going to tell Shawn.

He arrived back in the living room moments later, brandishing two tall glasses of thick egg nog. He immediately picked up on her expression.

"What's wrong?"

How did he do that?

"Nothing's wrong. I just, I just noticed that, well, that Billy is not a boy cat."

Shawn dramatically dropped his head first back and then forwards. "Not again!" he mourned. "Why do I always think the girl cats are boy cats?"

"Maybe you need an anatomy lesson," Juliet joked. Her cheeks flushed when she realized how that sounded.

Shawn waggled his eyebrows suggestively, handing her one of the glasses as he sank into the sofa next to her. "Is that so?"

Juliet chose to ignore the current direction of their conversation. She nodded to the kitten in her lap. "We can't call her Billy Zane."

"Why not? Billie is a girl's name, too."

"Yeah, but not Billy Zane."

"True," Shawn took a thoughtful gulp of egg nog. "I did have a list of possible names back at my apartment... but I'm pretty sure those were all boy names."

Juliet rolled her eyes.

"Mrs. Pickles?" Shawn suggested. "No, wait, that's Gus's imaginary cat. That would get too confusing."

"What about Sadie?"

"Sadie? That's a little too _human_, don't you think?"

"Yes, it's more human than Mrs. Pickles," Jules agreed sarcastically.

"Miss Scarlet?" Shawn offered.

"Trixie?" Juliet countered.

"Professor Plum?"

Juliet considered that momentarily. "Cute, but Professor Plum was a guy, wasn't he?"

"Colonel Mustard!"

"Again, not a girl."

"Yeah, but a person from Clue, and that makes it a viable option."

"Why?"

"Trust me, it just does."

They sat in silence for a moment, thinking.

"I've got it!" Juliet exclaimed suddenly. "I think you'll like this one, too."

Shawn was all ears.

"Are you ready?" she asked eagerly.

He nodded expectantly.

"Millicent."

A grin instantly lit up his face. "Bingo! We have a winner!"

Juliet smiled proudly and petted the newly named Millicent.

"Now that that's all sorted, I have one question for you," Shawn announced.

"What?"

"Do you own the movie 'Clue?' Because that naming session totally put me in the mood for it!"

Juliet laughed. "Yeah, of course I do. The DVDs are over there," she pointed to the DVD tower next to her television.

Shawn leapt to his feet and hurried over, scanning through her movie collection and no doubt preparing to give her a hard time about the girlier of her possessions.

Once the correct DVD had been located, once Juliet had been mocked for owning the Special Edition of 'While You Were Sleeping' and once Shawn had refilled their glasses of nog and popped popcorn, the two of them settled back into the couch with a yawning Millicent.

As the movie began she glanced at the clock. Juliet knew it'd be well after midnight when she'd inevitably have to drive Shawn back to his apartment. Surprisingly, she didn't mind at all, not even if he spent the entire time once again discussing the merits of Billy Zane's career.

As much as she loved the new kitten in her life, she couldn't help but think that spending time with Shawn was the better present.

* * *


End file.
